June 26, 2012
Wantagh, NY
My dear friend Johnny,
I received news yesterday. It wasn't good, nor was it welcomed. I was hoping it ain't true.
It never came nor did I hear it from you. You were the only one I believed in, SO, it must have been all....LIES!!!?
I waited, maybe you would refute. You never called, you never wrote, but then, maybe, you... simply....could....not? Then..., I resign. I maybe able to accept it, BUT I won't forget! We WILL NOT forget!!!
We will remember!
Remember Fields Avenue? Hey, this is the street where we grew up, you as an innocent child ( this street is not as innocent as it used to be- well, just like the rest us ). The Fields Avenue where, as you grew older, you might have inquired from Mang Ilang orTatang Mael (at the corner store Fields/ McArthur Hway) for maybe, what time the Philippine Rabbit bus would be whizzing by. Or maybe, the bench where you do istambay at Aling Goneng(Calaguas) store, ogled at every girl who walked by or dropped in? What about the pakiling tree at Atsing Paning, where underneath it we usually sang with our hearts' content, and, of course, not without Lotis Key and her ESQ, or maybe with Senor San Miguel or Tatang Tanduay, and the barkada singing along with the ever dependable guitar. We never cared how loud we were or how horrible we sounded. We did not even care how late it was! Our parents cared but they never got worried, we were in good company. Remember how many times you made sagot for my tagay?
Remember John, during your grade-school days, you'd rather buy at Aling Goneng's store ( which was 5 houses away) rather than come to Atchie Leda's ( next door ) because you were avoiding me, for the simple reason that you hated it everytime I pinched your nose? I always enjoyed pinching your nose ( no matter if it was running at times ). I'd wanted to twist it out of your ugly face so I could plop it onto mine. You disliked me, no, you hated me for years but that changed when you realized that we both shared the same music. You borrowed my Beatles album but never returned it until I reminded you.'Tho' I was 12 years your senior, you warmed up to me and we became good friends.
John, do you remember when we went to Yap Park ( not there anymore, I mean the place is still there but with houses built on ) and we rented a bangka? You paddled to our right instead of left and paddled left instead of right, spun us in circles? Ha! Ha! Ha! I had a blast!!! How did you end up with the Navy, my friend?
Do you also remember when I invited you to go swimming at Del Rosario's along Abacan? You refused but I insisted until you relented, then I realized that you did not know how to swim! Well, really, now, how did you end up with the Navy?
Remember when I had to continue my medical education in Manila where I had to stay for weeks at end and you would be hanging around in our house waiting for me when I would come home for a weekend? And, remember that day when you had to say good-bye for the States? ( You wrote me a year later and confided that you never wanted to leave ). I had a heavy heart when we saw you off the airport so, what I did, I wandered away- I could not bear seeing you leave.
I remember when you wrote from Washington how many stitches you had to suffer after you cut your hand from a lawnmower while doing the yard, and that the # 1 song was "The Way We Were"; that you went to a Rod Stewart Rock Concert; that when you, as the new student, started school, a song came out and became #1 hit: "The New Kid In Town" then, in 1977, as you turned 17, out came a song just for you," At Seventeen". Remember, you bragged in your letter how some girls from your high school came running for your autograph after you sang at the school performance?
You wrote to me all your frustrations, your anxieties, your anger, your dreams, your disappointments, your achievements, your plans, your experiences, your angsts- the whole gamut of your emotions. And, mind you, you did all these through snail-mail! We did not have the internet, no facebook nor twitter, not even cellphones! Hey, who'd gonna complain? International airmail only cost 21 cents at that time, if it were 4 pages letter maybe 31 cents, 12 pages letter 31 cents x2, he, he, he... But, hey, what the heck, we kept the line open. Your letters had been coming almost twice a week! We even agreed that there was no excuse for writing a letter of less than 12 pages. We kept our deal.
Then, after 2 years, you came home, this time with the Navy. You gathered the whole barkada and we resumed our happy ways as if you'd never left. You even reminded me that on my birthday we decided that you'd take care of the drinks and I'd take care of the pulutan. I ended up buying peanuts instead because I only had 10 pesos with me. You never stopped and even took pleasure teasing me on this.
When I arrived in the States, I was glad you came to see me in Hawaii, in San Jose, and in New York but I had not seen you in a better mood than when I visited you and your wife, Marlene, in Oxnard, Camarillo or San Diego. You were at your proudest and at the same time ecstatic with your news that you were about to be a father. You were so happy when Aubrey was born. Darn, she was around 2 years old when you had her christened ( because, as you said, you were waiting for me to show up and to stand as her godfather- I felt honored ). Then your family became complete when your Mom and Linda finally arrived from the Philippines.
I had the most fun in Oxnard, especially while we were cruising down Ventura Hway from L.A. , you, humming the Batman tune and I, enjoying the vegetable aroma wafting from the fields alongside the road; or spending a lazy afternoon at the beach in Santa Barbara; or at the Huntington Beach parking lot, where we had fun watching people come and go at the liquor store while we sat and listened to the music we favored coming out from the car stereo. Port Hueneme Beach Park, remember, we almost got a ticket? A roaming cop found out we had been drinking beer-he had the chutzpah to look underneath the wrap-around magnetic Pepsi labels! At least he was nice to let us off. Whew! What about the times when you had to drive Linda to her jobs in Ojai and Thousand Oaks. Hey, hi, hi, hi, remember when we had to accompany Linda to the DMV? ( Cover your eyes, or ears, Rafael ). She failed all her written tests, all 4 sets of them! Remember? Didn't we review the Q's &A's with her? Ha ha ha ..Select the answer: 1-Stop, 2-Slow down, 3- Accelerate and the question was, "What would you do when you see a yellow traffic light?" Linda's answer: Accelerate ; her rationale: "because that's what I see John does everytime". Wasn't that funny, Johnny? ( Hey, that's a good rhyme-funny Johnny ). Well finally, after taking AND failing all 4 sets, she made it through on her fifth exam and ended up with a high mark. I know you still have a lot of funny stories about Linda but I will leave it at that for you tell us all these yourself. He, he ,he.
If you failed to remember, then let me remind you, Sir, the numerous times we spent hours doing tagay over the phone NY to San Diego! I mean, HOURS, man. We did not mind, did we? We actually looked forward to it everytime we had the chance.
I miss you, man. I've missed you and I'm still missing you, my friend. Pero, Naydana, Boy, kabang susulat ke ini, ala kung patugut kikyak. Atatandanan mu ing palagi mong sasabyan kanaku, " ing lugud ku keka manyapukaki, mate ku man keng kabsi edaka tagan nasi ". Boy, andyang ala nang nasi, okey muh, basta kayabe daka. Balu mo, at the same time mayli ku pa rin . Anya matula ko, kasi, aganaka ku, anyang mako ka Pilipinas for the 1st time, pane Kakampangan ing sulat mo andyang mali- mali ing ispeling at saka ing sulat mo eku antindiyan. Pero inyang meluwat na, sasanting-santing na ing penmanship mo at saka ka mag-English. Aru, kayabang na!!!!! Lalu na pu anyang mig Navy ne. Bolang, ala keng asbuk yan, atsu keng buntuk. Pero bilib ku keka, Boy ( "emuku awsan Boy"! ), YOR DA BES, BOY.
I haven't seen nor heard from you for more than 15 years. Or was it 20? The last time was during that period when you were stationed in Albany and you drove down here to Long Island. Dropped you off the airport and that was the last I saw you. You never called, you never wrote. You knew my number, and I -you having been mobile- lost yours.
Heaven knows how hard I tried to find a way to contact you, even asked my friends with public and private connections for their assistance but all were unsuccessful. I don't know. Maybe, I should have been more aggressive, but how much more? And what is more than enough or sufficient?
I've waited...and waited...and waited. Maybe you would have a change of heart from whatever reasons you had and decided to correspond again. But no! No letters, no calls! I couldn't find of any reason for your long silence.
( By the way, I sent you a card on your birthday last year to an address I presumed was correct. Did you receive it? It never came back to my return address.! )
Then I received this news. I was in shock, I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared. I could not nor would I accept it. I am still in denial, total denial. I tried to drink it away, but nothing could numb me. I am weakened and dehydrated from my tears.
In spite of whatever emotional reactions or outburtsts I'll have, you are still in me, in us, in our hearts where you reside, where you belong. We still have your pictures, your letters, and most of all, WE HAVE YOUR MEMORIES.
We remember.
Now, my foremost regret is that I won't be able to read nor hear the words that you might want to tell me: your aspirations, your dreams, our world...! It hurts! " Ing sakit ning lub ku, susukdul king banua". F__ K it man! This isn't fair. We did not plan it this way! I am suffering, I am agonizing, I am in pain. I wanted to mourn , I would like to mourn , I have to mourn. I am mourning. I miss you Boy.....
We love you John.
I love you Boy.
WE WILL REMEMBER BECAUSE OF WHO AND WHAT YOU WERE
"TIK-KER"
Your friend and neighbor at Fields Avenue,
Rommel
P.S. Johnny, sorry Boy, I was not able to come up with a 12-page letter.
P.P.S. Will wait for your response.
( John, save this letter. I'd love you to read it over and over until forever ).
( Same )
ATTN to Mailman : Address unknown. Please forward to Heaven.
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June 30, 2012